It's never easy.
starting a new life is never easy. filled with ups, downs, and curveballs, there's a reason why there's so many clichés about it, but it's also the reason it's so rewarding.
take yesterday. we've been struggling with heating the house all winter; with old windows, poorly made doors, an antique woodstove, crazy PEC winds, and two dogs who insist on being let out multiple times a day, it's near impossible to keep the temp of the house over 17 degrees. (64 fahrenheit) we needed to chop some kindling, and so far this year, I've had some pretty good feelings about chopping wood so i figured i would do it. good exercise, makes me feel super bad-ass, and helps keep us warm. wins all around.
until i dropped the axe on my finger.
not too badly, thankfully... i was just being clumsy and had a bad hold on it, but i ended up with a pretty decent looking gash on my knuckle, and man... is that finger ever sore. AND it's my pointer finger, so i need it to do everything, so EVERYTHING is harder, and I had to do a bunch of super physical work yesterday, so i kept banging it around... ouch.
and i lost a client.
i'm not a great sales person in the first place, i just love talking about wine and working with The Living Vine's portfolio means i get to talk about beautiful, vibrant, natural wines all the time (more on those later) and that makes me feel pretty lucky. however, it's only ever been a part-time job, and i've been lucky enough to have some great clients and accounts that order pretty regularly and pay their bills on time which has been awesome, especially when i don't have a full time gig like now... so losing a client, especially a big one, means a significant blow to the pocketbook.
and then the bills.
i realized i forgot to pay the last propane bill, so even though we've been trying to heat the house with the woodstove and have been successful for the most part, sometimes when it's -20C you just need to turn on the furnace. december and january were bloody cold, so that was pretty often so suddenly we have a huge bill looming which makes those times when you don't have a full-time gig really seem like you should give up on your dreams and just go find a job...
but there were also successes.
delicious negroni gummies. business plan complete. meeting with financiers set. perfectly ripe avocados. amazing friends. lots of kindling. warm, sunny day. (in january!) 8 fresh eggs. (a record) two beautiful dogs and a fully supportive partner that came home and made me dinner.
at the end of the day, i am lucky.
we get to choose how we feel about life, and i choose to feel blessed. happy. it's not always easy, and i also choose to allow myself to feel the little struggles, to shed the tears of frustration and to howl in anger sometimes... i have to remember that i'm allowed to feel it all, and every little struggle just makes the successes feel that much better.